:)

Ever thought of getting your fingers to type a few a words and then a few sentences and then paragraphs until you realize you have a whole page or may be 2…

Something of this sort happened to me this evening as I sat on my chair staring at the monitor not knowing how to keep my jobless mind occupied. And then a thought clicked. May be I could pen down a few feelings. But what kind of feelings was I talking about? Well would that really matter was the next question. All I was here to do was pull out all that I was reeling in the world of and change the photographic moments into an elaborative print. Isn't this what life is about anyway? Saying a little, sharing a few thoughts and smiling over all the contemplation?

It's funny, although I have given my mind a quick fix I m running short of things to say or rather write. Writers call it writer's block but hey I am no writer. So does this mean it is normal? Does everyone go through this phase when they sit to write? Well I guess so. I am thinking it is more than normal because I just heard one of my colleagues say, "hey dude I don't know what to write next." I smile. A sigh of relief actually. Man! I am still wondering how authors write pages, books and sequels. The list is never ending. So what? May be they cant go on jabbering for hours like me or may be singing away without submitting oneself to the ticking of the clock. I laugh. I kind of feel better at my own status. Yes true I can't really write and all that but who cares may be I am better at a lot of other things although I miss knowing how to inscribe the numbness (if so be) of my mind. I pause and speculate. Well I am trying to find the next thing to say. But as I glance over what I have written, it's unbelievable how I have filled a page without even noticing I had done that. It's amusing how I started with a blank brain and managed painting so many expressions. Hell no! I am not talking about filling a page but I am just surprised at having been able to play with words. Tap on my shoulder. This is a big leap you know.

Well I have something to say. If you are someone like me with no aptitude to write whatsoever or rather have no knack for it, just start the way I did. I mean you really don't need much straining to do. Just put down what ever is running in your head. Don't be bothered about how it sounds. Because I realize it can't get all that bad you know. I mean how awful can it get anyway. It's not like it is the end of the world. I smile as I finish and put a full stop.

I, ME, MYSELF

NO STARS, NO ICONS.I PRAY...I BELIEVE...I’M INSPIRED…
I, ME, MYSELF!!

Mixed emotions

A LEAP, A BOUND

SIGH OR A FROWN

Delight, TEARS, LAUGHTER AND RAIN

SHATTERED BROKEN OVER SHADOWED TERRAIN

A SHOOTING STAR I WANT TO GRAB

I TRY, I LOSE BITTER N BAD

A STATE OF FLUX

A TUNELESS LYRE

NOSTALGIA, MELANCHOLY, A TEAR TO SUMMARIZE…

BLAH!

I sit on my bed lost in meaningless thoughts.

The burden seems heavy but the shoulder remains firm.

I wonder whether I m strong or may be a good pretender.

A lot lies beneath that earthen pot.
A molten rock explains the haziness of thought.

An expression comes and leaves.

A thought or two I release.

I prude, I ponder, I want an answer.

I shut my eyes; allow a ray of hope to pass.

I blink and lose the path!

At the sound of a gun shot I wake out of my sabotaged ease.

I don’t understand, rather don’t seem to

The hide and seek, the black and blue.

I reach no answer, no summit that I can comprehend.

I become conscious of the errand my thoughts make.

A shudder, a shout, a quiet breath!

I close my eyes once again.

Lost in trance yet again!

Gay and jobless

Got you reeling.. Didn’t it? Jobless and still so gay. Well to start,I would like to remind my dear readers that the little pocket oxford dictionary I have has more than one meaning for the word ‘gay’ if you are still wondering what the other meanings is – well it is 'happy". Let me diagnose my topic. How can you be jobless in today’s modern world and manage to keep your ever crumbling happiness curve on the permanent high?? I don’t want to sound like a geeky guru here but folks let me tell you that I have found the secret to happiness!
It is striking how much today’s youth longs for happiness and how little success the youth have achieved in getting there. The reality of today's youths’ struggle with happiness settles down as an irony in my belly, as pursuit of happiness is theme advertised everywhere , whether it be buying a pair of torn denim or getting a jet-set hair do for the weekend party.
I believe every youth is a vulnerable candidate out there in this unforgiving world since this is that stage of life when reality of life creeps in and the well fed educated youth heads out from sweet home in search of a job. Job!! All that education one acquires comes to a serious test as the young job searching bull realizes that having a job and being able to make a living out of it is not quite enough!
“why not?” will be the question yelled, “why not am I happy for I have a sound career ?” is a question that only finds a way to echo louder.
folks if you find yourself in the picture I have painted then I am here to be your rescue for I tell you, you can be jobless and gay. Imagine how high and wide will your happiness stretch if you have job, a well paying one!!
Whats the secret then? It’s easy and for free!!Just find out what makes you happy . Figure out what drives you passionate . Explore your desires and locate what really interests you. Every man and woman walking on this earth is surely truly inclined on doing something. And once you have discovered your real desire, never let it go!! Whenever you get free time pursue that interest and make friends with people who share your interest. Soon you will find yourself excited and willing to explore life and it wouldn’t bother you what you are doing for your living.
Folks your happiness mantra is out! Go out there and fulfill your dreams and never let your job or your problems slide you down the road to sadness for life is all gladness!!!
HURRAY!!!!!

Well, i leave it for you readers to decide your mantra of happiness!But trust me the mantra i quoted above,works magic....By the way folks.... WHAT'S YOUR HAPPINESS MANTRA???

ibroken lyre

Happy i am in my own incapability,

with conviction i walk not giving another thought to my inefficiency.

assurance i know not of,

perfection is not really a thought.

all i shout about is my brokenness,

An instrument that makes dead souls talk.

It's not about the years in life but the life in years

and that's the life I speak of

Life that has felt the power of my strings,

Life that knows the intensity of my tune.

I am BROKEN LYRE,

complete in my brokenness.

the brokenness is a comfort,

the brokenness buries all the emptiness.

sometime life leaves us with no choice

and i m glad that i chose to be me

ME, an instrument that makes music.

i cannot be seen nor touched,

my strength lies in the power,

the power that people feel when they hear of my undying tune.

happy I am in my own incapability,

with conviction i walk not giving another thought to my inefficiency.

i am a BROKEN LYRE, happy in my brokenness...

suicide is not the answer

SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER..GETTING HELP IS!!!

Suicide is not chosen;it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain...that's all its about.you are not a bad person,or weak,or crazy or flawed because you feel suicidal.it doesn't even mean that you really want to die!!it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now.if i start piling weights on your shoulder,you will eventually collapse no matter how hard you try to stand!Will power has nothing to do with suicide.Ofcourse you could cheer yourself up if you want to...

We are blessed with this gift of life just once and we have no right what so ever to take it away because its god who has made us.and remember he has made us for a purpose!Its not about ending life because we have unbearable amount of pain,infact its about finding a way to reduce your pain and about finding out ways to cope up with the pain.people often try to commit suicide because they are seeking relief from pain.Folks remember relief is a feeling and you got to be alive to feel it.You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek,if you are dead.

Research shows that there is one case of suicide every 8 hours!!Doesn't this ignite something in your heart?These unfortunate people had no hopes to live,no one to tell them how precious there life was..but you folks out there reading this piece have hope!HOPE THAT ENDURES,HOPE THAT WILL NEVER DIE..HOPE THAT YOU ARE UNIQUE AND A HOPE THAT GIVES YOU EVERY RIGHT TO LIVE!!!

Life isn't all about fun and frolic..It doesn't promise us bed of roses.Its a package of love and hate,of tears and happiness..of joy and sorrow.So when you can laugh all your way through why give up when you have times of sadness?Aren't both of these an inevitable part of our lives??

You know folks,there are many ways to cope with suicide..Remember there is light at the end of every tunnel.If any of you today is depressed or thinks that your life has no flavour and you have no hope to live,remember the almighty who created you is your everlasting hope!!whenexperiencing thoughts of ending your own life,there are many things that can help you stay safe:

1.Stay away from things that you might use to hurt yourself.

2.Go somewhere you can be safe.

3.Talk to someone supportive.

4.Challenge those suicidal thoughts.

5.Be mindful of your thoughts.

6.Most importantly.PRAY!!

So folks,if you are anywhere close to even thinking of commiting suicide,look away from that thought and turn to the almighty above you,and believe me,you will find all the reasons to smile and live!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

birth of a piece of writing

How would you label this piece?

As my readers read this particular one, I want them to decide for themselves a suitable title for it. Would you pave the article corruption, exploitation or sheer politics?

Waiting for hours on end to get hold of a form and then standing in queues day in and day out! Rings a bell? This one comes from my own experience of a similar situation. I am talking about the process involved in getting hold of a license. Don’t know a source? Have no influence? Then here is a hi5 because it is almost impossible for those without a sway to get any job done peacefully. If it was only the queue and the days that had to be dealt with, may be things would seem although not easy, manageable. But the sad part is that there is a lot of money involved as well which one can’t even keep an account of sometime. Want a form? Excuse me!!! You have to pay. Remember nothing comes free in this world. Want to practice riding just before the trail? Come on pull out a hundred rupee note even if you want to half a round practice. Oh you got no bike? Well then it would cost you a 1500 to rent one! Want a license? Okay a 700. Need insurance? Give me thirteen hundred. Yes! That should be enough. I am an agent remember!! I did your work. My fee is 800 only ma’am. Alright, procedures are done. A sigh of relief. Waiting for my turn! And boom; Ma’am I am sorry your name is missing in the register. You can work on your exit, see you tomorrow.

Sounds so easy right? Convince someone of their name not been entered and not even apologize for the mistake they have done! Another moment passes by and some rider zooms in. Excuse me! Hey, it’s me XYZ’s son says he. The man at the desk trying to do his duty speaks, sir, your name is not here. With anger yells the rider, does that even matter? One call and you will be fired! I am I am sorry sir you can go next says the man in a sad submissive tone. I grumble! That is so not fair sir!! With a heaviness comes a reply, I am sorry ma’am. I don’t have a choice or a say in front of the BOSS!

I am just left with a few questions lingering in my mind…

Who are you then supposed to be mad at? Well I believe a lot of us identify with experiences of this sort. What can we really do about a system like this? You can’t even do without these things because as a result, you will have a heavy price to pay. And if you want to get hold of these mandatories, sadly with all the ripping off, your job still remains undone. Even people living below the poverty line whose one meal is uncertain have to empty out their pockets to avoid facing bigger brunt in future. This is the undeniable reality. Who then brings change? How will the nation progress when there is corruption stagnant in every belly?

Can any of us do anything at all about these circumstances? Will the road of sleaze ever bend into a finer tomorrow? Will the hope for a better country remain only an illusion?

let go, let god

When God blesses you with one thing, he takes away another … Funny right how someone who is capable of offering us everything sometimes leaves us with a little? But that’s only to prevent us from going astray. If we have all we desire, as humans it is our tendency to forget the source and get carried away. Amusing how he knows exactly what to grant us. I always thought I was good at planning and mapped things well but I was so wrong. And that realization came to me just a few months ago. I was someone who considered knowing the best for me. Yes I did think I knew the best but it was all in vain. I really did not know much I just assumed I did. The way the Almighty shapes your life is remarkable. The way he can work through you in unbelievable and the way he can use you is beyond imagination. No matter how hard we try to shape our lives, it's not going to be possible to mould it the way we want to because he has better plans and way better purpose for us. I used to wonder why he does the things he does and why life seems so difficult at times. But the truth is that we try hard to fight life's battle on our own. We forget we are feeble, week and incapable of fighting on our own.
One doesn't need to holy or sanctified to know what is lined up ahead of us. It doesn't cost much actually. It's only about believing and holding that one weapon in our hearts, the mace of faith. He can use anyone, any how and any where. Jus let him work through you. Don't push it. Just press on.
Be prepared, watch out but don't plan. No one recognizes what is in store tomorrow right so does it make sense to wonder and break your head for something that isn't in your hands? Definitely not so just let go and let god.

trail of thoughts

don't push it, just press on...

The most refreshing moments in my prayer are the moment of silence.

I relax, release and put my faith in God

A heart capable of sadness is one capable of understanding.

No failure is fatal.

Today i will make a difference!

painful memories

I walked into the room, wondering what the day had in store for me. I was anxious, yet excited. There was a subtle sense of fear although a few hopeful thoughts continued trailing. But I wasn’t aware that joy was so short lived. A momentary bliss!

I soon felt the pain, sensed the fear and much before I knew, I was in tears. Never felt so unloved, so let down, so hopeless. A height of insensitivity was what was being reflected and it was unavoidable. I felt my stomach crumble and my knees grow week. Waking out of my comfort zone, a sudden realization crept in and before I knew, I was in tears crying out for a soul to tell me it would be okay. But the light grew dimmer and the flames sharper. Every word I heard pierced my heart and I only wanted to run away hoping to never return, wishing it would be over and I continued craving for a hand to life me out to glory…

undying wounds

It was a rainy Sunday evening. My friend and I were seated on our balcony enjoying the wet smell of the mud. As usual we were chatting over coffee watching the rain drip from the rusty iron bars. Birds chirped and the dusk was setting an appearance. There was a certain sense of sadness that was forming an icing to an otherwise picturesque. Minutes passed by and the two of us became conscious of the silence that was layering the celebrated, yet still life.

Before I knew, my friend sitting opposite me burst into tears. As she started narrating her story, I sat there wondering what I could possibly have done for her as a listener, especially as a woman. I had never seen her break down before then! To me, she was the epitome of strength and courage.

Then she started telling me how when she was traveling on a bus one afternoon, a young chap (possibly in his twenties) walked up behind her, caught hold of her kurta and tore it open. The boy went and parked himself on the seat while this girl gathered her shawl to hide the disgrace. It took a while for the humiliation to sink in. No one on earth would ever be able to explain in words the feeling that the move left in her.

She walked up to the conductor with teary eyes and complained to him hoping he would at least take action against who had become to her, the most detestable creatures in the world. Maybe throw him out of the bus?

Shameless is an under statement. The conductor replied to her that he couldn’t do much as the boy had a ticket.

Hearing her experience left me at a loss of words to see how sickening humans had become. The bus was full. There were people who swarming inside it- men and women- passive spectators of what they thought was a drama, perhaps a scene to take pleasure out of. The so called human beings just sat, not wanting to engage themselves in speaking out against what every individual should know was unjust and unforgivable!

All my friend could do was jump out of the moving bus, not bothering whether or not she would get run over by another vehicle that passed by. She ran! She ran like never before and she could not stop. Her mouth grew drier, her eyes became more moist every second and her clothes were drenched in sweat. Before she even knew, she was pacing bare foot. She did not ever want to halt, not even an instant, not ever.

She was sick for almost a month after the heart breaking incident. She still has not recovered. Her wound she says will never heal. It has left a scar, a deep impression that is hard to be shaken or wiped out. Every thought of that ride on the bus kills her soul, kills her being. And to think how little a man thinks about when he taunts, fondles or brushes past a woman, taking advantage of crowded situations.

happy anyway

Sunlit afternoon, deafening traffic, busy streets and having had to travel from Ratnapark to Hattigaunda after long hours of work, this certainly was nightmarish. As I prepared to catch a safa tempo to keep away from the cramped up and suffocating micro vans, I realized the journey would be time consuming. I couldn’t really complain because I had made the choice myself. Not bothering too much about what the journey would be like, I parked myself in the corner of the tempo wondering how I could make that tiring and slow ride, productive.

Minutes went by and my attention was diverted towards the conductor in the tempo. Now mind you he was no ordinary guy doing his business. It was a kid of may be about ten years of age, dressed in low waist jeans buckled with an old brown belt paired with a blue vest and over sized slippers. The boy was only four feet tall and I can’t deny the fact that he was one of the cutest kids I had seen.

Through out my time from Ratnapark to Hattigaunda, my eyes were fixed on the lad. I was amused by the way he carried himself and even more by the way he was doing his job. Making bubbles in his mouth, he would scream out names of places provoking passengers to catch hold of the moving tempo. The ease with which he hung himself on the entrance of the tempo was entertaining although I was skeptical whether he would lose balance. But no! He was super comfortable and knew what he was exactly doing and did it all with poise. He held notes like an expert money dealer flipping coins and shuffling them. What was even more appealing was the way he addressed his passengers. He knew how to send quick responses to questions asked and also yell at a customer (as if he was the boss), when necessary. It was unbelievable that a boy of ten carried so much skill and expertise in his boots. As I am writing this piece, I can picture that child, so sincerely doing his duty. He had no sense of weariness or fatigue whatsoever. He had no signs of complaints about the heat of the afternoon or the annoying traffic. The charming face he had lit up with every second. Honestly, the kid blew my mind. There was a moment I wanted to talk to him and ask him if he ever wanted to study or rather chase a dream and become someone else. I wanted to know if the boy was happy in his world and so on but some how I could not get myself to talk to him probably because I was so lost admiring his expertise.

But one thing I know for sure, the boy knew the art of living. What ever big or small, he had created a shell around him and he was very happy in that world. Questions of child labor did not even tiptoe my mind because the boy seemed as if he was doing what he was doing out of free will. I must say, he definitely had achieved more satisfaction from his job in comparison to any of us who work for a job, a well paying one. At the end of the day, isn’t it the contentment and tranquility of mind you are striving for? The kid had it all and he painted himself a beautiful picture of life, living each moment to the fullest.